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There is a particular kind of childhood that is not lived in a home, but on a battlefield. It is a childhood where your home is not a sanctuary, but a tense and volatile territory divided into two warring nations. And you, in all your smallness and innocence, are forced to become a citizen of both, a tiny, unwilling diplomat with a passport to two enemy states. You learn to speak two different languages, to abide by two different sets of laws, and to present two different versions of yourself, depending on whose territory you are in at any given moment. Your heart, which should be a unified and sovereign place, is instead partitioned, a demilitarized zone in the center of a relentless and heartbreaking war.
If you grew up as the child of a high-conflict divorce or separation, you are a survivor of a profound, chronic, and deeply confusing form of developmental trauma. The world may have looked at your situation and offered a simple, if misguided, platitude: “It’s for the best. At least you don’t have to live with them fighting all the time.” But you know the truth. You know that the physical separation of your parents was not the end of the conflict; it was merely the reorganization of the battlefield, and you were the territory that was being fought over. You were the messenger, the spy, the confidant, the prize, and the pawn.
As an adult, you are likely a person of incredible emotional intelligence, deeply attuned to the needs and moods of others, and a master of navigating complex social situations. Yet, underneath this capable exterior, you may live with a constant, humming anxiety, a profound fear of conflict, and a deep, painful difficulty in trusting your own feelings and decisions. You may find yourself in relationships that are fraught with drama, or you may avoid intimacy altogether. You may struggle with a chronic sense of guilt, a feeling that you are somehow always letting someone down. You may feel, on a fundamental level, that you do not have a solid, authentic self, but are instead a collection of different masks you wear to keep the peace.
If this feels like your story, I want to welcome you into a space of profound and unwavering validation. The way you feel is not a sign of your brokenness; it is the logical, intelligent, and deeply ingrained imprint of an impossible childhood. The patterns you developed were not character flaws; they were the brilliant survival strategies of a child trying to love and be loyal to two people who could not love each other peacefully. Your pain is real. It is legitimate. And it deserves to be seen, to be honored, and to be healed. This article is your comprehensive and deeply human guide to understanding the unique wounds of being caught in the middle, and to illuminating the hopeful path toward integrating your divided heart and finding your own solid ground. A journey thewith Best Mental Health Practitioner in Bangladesh are trained to guide.
Let us begin by honoring the truth that a high-conflict divorce is not just a sad event; it is a chronic trauma. It is the ongoing, repeated exposure to hostility, anger, and emotional instability that wires a child’s developing brain for survival. In this environment, the child is often forced to take on a variety of impossible and deeply damaging roles.
You may have been The Messenger. You were the living, breathing vessel for the hostile communications your parents could not bear to have with each other. You were tasked with carrying barbs, criticisms, and logistical information laden with anger, a weight far too heavy for your small shoulders. This taught you that communication is dangerous and that you are responsible for managing the emotions of the adults around you.
You may have been The Spy. You were subtly or overtly interrogated after returning from the other parent’s house. “What did they say about me? Who were they with? Did they seem happy?” You were forced to betray one parent’s confidence to appease the other, a constant no-win situation that erodes a child’s sense of integrity and trust.
You may have been The Little Therapist. You became the confidant for one or both parents, forced to listen to their adult-sized pain, their anger, their loneliness, their grief. You learned to be a perfect listener, to offer comfort, to suppress your own needs and feelings because your parent’s needs were so much bigger and more demanding. This is a profound form of parentification, and it is a theft of childhood. with Best Mental Health Practitioner in Bangladesh from Mind to Heart understands the deep and lasting impact of this role reversal.
And you were almost certainly The Peacemaker. You learned, with the exquisite sensitivity of a child survivor, to become an expert at de-escalation. You learned what to say and what not to say. You learned to be funny, to be helpful, to be invisible—whatever it took to prevent the next fight. You became the emotional regulator for the entire family system, an exhausting and impossible job.
The central, agonizing wound that is inflicted in this war is the Agony of the Loyalty Bind. This is the most defining and painful feature of growing up in a high-conflict divorce. A child’s biological and spiritual impulse is to love both of their parents freely and completely. But in this environment, you learn a devastating lesson: to love one parent is to betray the other. To express happiness about your time with your dad is to see the flash of pain in your mom’s eyes. To speak fondly of your mom is to be met with your dad’s anger or sullen silence.
And so, you learn to split yourself in two. You learn to perform. You show a carefully edited version of yourself to each parent, a version that will not cause them pain or anger. You learn to hide your love for your other parent. This creates a deep and painful fracture in your own sense of self. You can never be your whole, authentic self with either parent. You begin to feel like a fraud, a collection of different performances with no solid core. This is not a choice; it is a brilliant and necessary survival strategy. But as an adult, it can leave you with a profound sense of emptiness and a feeling that you don’t truly know who you are. The guilt is also immense. You feel guilty for the moments of happiness you have with one parent, and you feel guilty for the moments you must hide. It is a constant state of emotional checkmate. The with Best Mental Health Practitioner in Bangladesh is one who can help you gently and safely begin to heal this profound internal split.
This chaotic and emotionally charged environment also wires your nervous system for conflict. Your brain, in its developmental phase, learns that relationships are battlegrounds and that home is a place of high alert. As an adult, this creates a state of chronic hypervigilance. You are likely an expert “mood-reader,” constantly scanning the people around you for the slightest sign of displeasure or impending conflict. This can make you an incredibly empathetic and attuned friend or partner, but it is also utterly exhausting. You can never truly relax, because a deep part of your nervous system is still waiting for the next fight to break out.
This then leads to a profound and often contradictory relationship with conflict in your own adult life. On one hand, you may be terrified of conflict. Any disagreement, no matter how small or healthy, can feel like a life-or-death threat. Your nervous system can be instantly hijacked back to the terror of your childhood home. This can lead you to become a “fawn” type, a chronic people-pleaser who will abandon your own needs, opinions, and boundaries at a moment’s notice to keep the peace. You may stay in unhealthy relationships or situations for far too long simply because the alternative—confrontation—feels unsurvivable.
On the other hand, you may find that you unconsciously recreate the drama. Because your nervous system was marinated in the intensity of conflict, a calm, stable, and peaceful relationship can feel boring, unfamiliar, and even untrustworthy. You may find yourself drawn to emotionally volatile partners, or you may be the one who instigates fights, not because you are a difficult person, but because the intensity of the conflict and the subsequent make-up cycle feels, on a deep and unconscious level, like what “love” is supposed to feel like. Best Mental Health Practitioner in Bangladesh can help you understand and heal this damaged blueprint for love.
This early experience also has a devastating impact on your ability to trust. When you have been used as a spy or a pawn, when the people you love most have put their own needs and their own battles ahead of your well-being, you learn that people cannot be trusted to have your best interests at heart. As an adult, you may find it incredibly difficult to be vulnerable, to believe that your partner is truly on your side, or to trust that love can be safe and consistent.
And finally, this all culminates in a diminished sense of self. Having spent your entire childhood triangulated between the needs, opinions, and emotions of two warring adults, you may have never had the chance to develop your own. You may struggle deeply with self-doubt and indecisiveness, constantly looking to others for the “right” answer because you were taught that your own feelings and perceptions were unreliable or secondary. You may also carry a deep, core belief of being a “problem” or a “burden,” because your very existence, your needs, your schedule, were so often the subject of your parents’ fights.
If you recognize yourself and your story in these words, please let this be a moment of profound self-compassion. These are not your flaws. This is the architecture of your survival. And the beautiful truth is that you are no longer a powerless child caught in the middle. You are an adult with the agency and the capacity to heal these wounds and build a new, peaceful home within yourself.
This sacred journey of healing begins with the courageous step of finding a truly neutral territory. For the first time in your life, you need a space where you do not have to split yourself, where you do not have to perform, and where you are not on anyone’s “side.” This is the sanctuary of the therapy room. The experience of sitting with a skilled and compassionate counselling psychologist in Dhaka who is not on your mother’s side or your father’s side, but is 100%, unequivocally on your side, is a profoundly radical and reparative experience. It is the beginning of finding your own solid ground.
A huge and essential part of this therapeutic work is the process of grieving. A good therapist will create a safe and spacious container for you to finally mourn all that you have lost. You will be given permission to grieve for the intact family you deserved but never had. You will grieve for the peaceful, carefree childhood that was stolen by the conflict. And you will grieve for the sense of safety and security that was sacrificed in your parents’ war. This grief is not about blaming; it is about honoring the reality of your pain.
It is within this safe and validating space that you can begin the deep work of resolving the loyalty bind. This is the heart of the healing. A compassionate therapist will help you to hold the complexity and the nuance of your family story. They will help you to understand that it is possible to love two people who hurt each other, and who hurt you. The work is about moving from the child’s black-and-white perspective to an adult’s more integrated one, seeing your parents not as “the good guy” and “the bad guy,” but as two flawed, wounded human beings who were doing the best they could with the tools they had. This does not excuse their behavior, but it can free you from the internal trap of having to choose a side. The goal is to build your own, separate, adult relationships with each of your parents, based on your own truth and your own healthy boundaries, free from the old, painful triangulation. The Best Mental Health Practitioner in Bangladesh at Mind to Heart are experts in navigating this delicate family systems work.
And it is here that a therapy like EMDR can be so profoundly effective. The “targets” for processing are the specific, painful memories of the conflict. The target might be the sound of a particular fight that you can still hear in your head. It might be the memory of being interrogated by a parent after a weekend visit. It might be the deeply felt, somatic memory of your small body trembling in your bedroom, your hands over your ears. An EMDR psychologist will gently guide you to process these memories, allowing the stored terror and helplessness to finally be released from your nervous system. The most powerful part of this work is the reprocessing of the core negative beliefs that were installed by this trauma. The child’s belief of “It’s my fault” or “I am a burden” can be transformed into the deep, embodied adult truth: “Their conflict was never my responsibility.” The belief “I have to choose” can be replaced with, “I have the right to my own, undivided heart.”
What does life look like on the other side of this deep and courageous work? It is not a life where you forget your past, but a life where you are no longer defined by it. It is the profound and quiet peace of having an undivided heart, of feeling like a whole, integrated person who is no longer at war with themselves. It is the freedom of being able to engage in healthy conflict in your own adult relationships without being hijacked by terror. It is the joy of building a romantic partnership and a home life that is a true sanctuary of peace, safety, and mutual respect. It is the deep, solid confidence that comes from trusting your own feelings, your own decisions, and your own worth.
This journey from being caught in the middle to standing firmly and peacefully on your own ground is a profound act of liberation. It is the journey of breaking a generational cycle of conflict and pain. If you are looking for the Best Mental Health Practitioner in Bangladesh guide to help you heal your divided heart, the Best Mental Health Practitioner in Bangladesh is one who understands the unique and profound trauma of being a child in a high-conflict divorce. Mind to Heart has the Best Mental Health Practitioner in Bangladesh . Our top online and offline counsellors are specialists in healing the complex relational wounds of childhood. When you are ready to find your own peace, the Best Mental Health Practitioner in Bangladesh from our team at Mind to Heart is here to guide you. You are not a broken product of a broken home. You are a resilient survivor who has the absolute right and the profound capacity to build your own, beautiful, and unshakably peaceful home within yourself.
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