Understanding the Difference and Finding a Path Forward with the Best Counsellor in Dhaka!
There is a heavy, corrosive, and deeply uncomfortable feeling that can settle over our hearts, a painful inner conviction that we have done something wrong, or worse, that we are something wrong. It is a feeling that can cause us to replay our actions over and over in our minds, to cringe at our own past behavior, to want to hide from the world, or to be flooded with a sense of our own profound inadequacy. We often lump all of these painful experiences under a single, heavy word: “guilt.” But in this one word, we are often describing two profoundly different, and often intertwined, emotional worlds. One of these is guilt. The other is its far more painful, and far more toxic, cousin: shame.
If you are a person who is often wrestling with these “I am a bad person” feelings, you may be living in a state of chronic self-blame and low self-worth. You may feel that you are constantly falling short, that your mistakes are unforgivable, and that there is something fundamentally flawed about your character. This is an incredibly painful and lonely way to live. But what if the path to freedom was not about trying harder to be a “better” person, but about learning to relate to your own mistakes and imperfections with a new and more compassionate kind of wisdom?
The very first, and most profoundly liberating, step on this journey is to learn to distinguish between the voice of guilt and the voice of shame. They may sound similar, but they are speaking two entirely different languages and are calling you to two entirely different paths of healing. This article is your comprehensive and deeply human guide to understanding this crucial difference. We will explore, with immense gentleness, the unique landscape of each emotion, and we will illuminate the distinct and hopeful paths forward for both. With deep empathy and insights from the expert team at Mind to Heart, let’s begin the journey of untangling these powerful feelings. A Best Counsellor in Dhaka from Mind to Heart knows that this clarity is the very first step toward self-forgiveness and peace.
Let us begin with a simple, powerful, and life-altering distinction, a gift from the brilliant research of Dr. Brené Brown. It is a distinction that, once you truly understand it, can change your entire relationship with yourself.
Guilt says, “I did something bad.” Shame says, “I am bad.”
Please, take a moment to let that sink in. Read those two sentences again. Can you feel the profound difference in their weight, in their energy? Guilt is a focus on a specific behavior. It is the uncomfortable, and often painful, recognition that a specific action you took was out of alignment with your own values or has caused harm to another person. Shame, on the other hand, is not about a specific behavior; it is a global, painful, and often all-consuming focus on the self. It takes the single data point of a mistake and turns it into a definitive, damning statement about your entire identity. The Best Counsellor in Dhaka see this distinction as one of the most critical in all of psychotherapy.
This is not just a clever word game. This is a profound difference that points to the very function of these two emotions. Guilt, in its healthy form, is a pro-social and deeply adaptive emotion. It is a vital part of our moral compass. Think of it like the pain you feel when you accidentally touch a hot stove. The pain is not a “bad” thing; it is a gift. It is a powerful and immediate signal from your nervous system that says, “Hey! That was harmful! Pull your hand back, and learn from this so you don’t do it again.” Healthy guilt functions in the exact same way for our social and relational lives. When you say something hurtful to a friend, the pang of guilt you feel is your emotional guidance system telling you, “That action was out of alignment with your value of being a kind and loving friend. You have caused a rupture in a connection that you care about. It is time to take action to repair it.” Guilt, in this sense, is an engine for connection. It motivates us to apologize, to make amends, and to bring ourselves back into a right relationship with others and with ourselves.
Shame, on the other hand, is the very opposite. Shame is not an engine for connection; it is a primal and terrifying fear of disconnection. The biological, evolutionary purpose of shame is to signal to us that we have done something that might cause our tribe to cast us out. For our ancient ancestors, being cast out of the tribe was a literal death sentence. And so, the feeling of shame is a profound, life-or-death alarm bell. Its core message is not, “Go fix it.” Its core message is, “You are flawed. You are unworthy of belonging. You must hide.” Where guilt says, “I made a mistake,” shame whispers, “I am the mistake.” This is why shame is so profoundly isolating. It makes us want to shrink, to become invisible, to disappear, so that no one will see the fundamental “badness” that we are convinced is the core of who we are. A Best Counsellor in Dhaka can help you to see that this feeling of shame is not a fact, but a painful, conditioned response.
Let’s explore the inner world of these two emotions in greater detail. The experience of guilt is uncomfortable, but it is a state of activation. It is often accompanied by a feeling of tension, of cognitive dissonance, of a problem that needs to be solved. Your mind is often focused on the event and on the other person. “I can’t believe I said that to them. I can see the hurt on their face. How can I make this right?” Crucially, in a state of healthy guilt, your sense of your own worth is still fundamentally intact. You are a good person who has done something that you regret. You have the capacity to separate your action from your identity.
The experience of shame is a state of collapse. It is not an active, problem-solving state; it is a state of profound powerlessness. The focus of your mind is no longer on the event or the other person; it is entirely and mercilessly on the perceived flaws of your own self. The thoughts are global and permanent: “I am such a terrible person. I am so selfish. I am unlovable. There is something fundamentally wrong with me.” In a state of shame, you feel that you cannot separate your action from your identity. The mistake is not something you did; it is a confirmation of the terrible truth of who you are. This is a deeply painful and often traumatic state, and the Best Counsellor in Dhaka at Mind to Heart are deeply trained in creating the safety needed to begin to heal it.
So where does this tendency toward shame come from? While we are all born with the capacity for both guilt and shame, a tendency to fall into the swamp of shame is often learned in our earliest experiences. If you grew up in an environment where your mistakes were met not with gentle correction and an opportunity to repair, but with anger, with ridicule, or with the withdrawal of love, you may have learned that to make a mistake is to be fundamentally bad and to risk abandonment. If you were consistently told, either through words or through actions, that you were “too much,” “not good enough,” or “a disappointment,” you internalized this message not as an opinion, but as a fact about your identity. A Best Counsellor in Dhaka knows that shame is very often the living legacy of developmental trauma.
Given that these two emotions are so profoundly different, it makes sense that the paths to healing them are also entirely different. This is why learning to distinguish between them is so vital. If you try to apply the solution for guilt to the problem of shame, you will only make the shame worse.
Let’s first look at the courageous path of healing from guilt. Because guilt is about a specific behavior that has caused a rupture, the healing comes from taking action to repair that rupture. This is a journey that often involves four steps.
- Acknowledge and Take Responsibility: This is the act of looking at your own behavior with clear and honest eyes, and admitting to yourself and to the other person, “Yes, I did that. I am responsible for my actions.”
- Offer a Genuine Apology: A true apology is not, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” It is, “I am sorry for what I did and for the hurt that it caused you.” It is a statement that is free of excuses and justifications.
- Make Amends: Where possible, this is the act of doing something to repair the harm.
- Practice Self-Forgiveness: This is the final and often the most difficult step. It is the act of learning from your mistake, of committing to do better in the future, and of then allowing yourself to let go of the self-blame. It is the wisdom of knowing that your past mistakes do not have to be a life sentence. A top counselling psychologist in Bangladesh can be a powerful coach in navigating these often-difficult conversations and processes.
Now, let’s turn to the far more delicate and tender path of healing from shame. If you are in a state of shame, where you believe you are the mistake, then there is nothing to “fix” and no action to “repair.” To try and “do” something to heal your shame can often just become another stick to beat yourself with (“I’m not even good at healing my own shame!”). The antidote to shame is not action; it is empathy.
Shame is a creature that was born in a moment of disconnection, and it cannot survive in the light of true, empathetic connection. It thrives in secrecy and silence. Therefore, the very first and most powerful step to healing shame is to speak it. It is the courageous act of finding one, safe, trusted, and deeply empathetic person—a partner, a dear friend, or most powerfully, a skilled therapist—and sharing your story and your shamed feeling. It is the act of saying, “I am carrying this deep feeling of being a bad person, and I need to tell you about it.” When your story is met not with the judgment you fear, but with the simple, powerful words, “I understand. That makes so much sense. I am here with you. You are not alone,” the shame begins to lose its power. It cannot survive in the warm light of empathy. The Best Counsellor in Dhaka are experts at creating this safe, shame-free sanctuary.
From this place of connection, the internal work of healing shame is the radical and life-altering practice of self-compassion. This is the journey of learning to turn the powerful medicine of empathy inward. A Best Counsellor in Dhaka will guide you in this. The work involves learning to meet your own imperfections and your own pain with the three core components of self-compassion, as pioneered by Dr. Kristin Neff. It is the Mindfulness of noticing your shame without being consumed by it. It is the Common Humanity of reminding yourself that everyone feels shame and that this feeling does not separate you from humanity, but connects you to it. And it is the Self-Kindness of actively soothing yourself, of placing a hand on your own heart, and of speaking to yourself with the same gentle, loving words you would offer to a suffering child. This is the process of building an inner ally that is more powerful than your inner critic.
Learning to distinguish between the healthy, connecting call to action of guilt and the heavy, isolating, and toxic cloak of shame is a life-altering skill. It is the journey of learning to be accountable for your actions without attacking your own soul. If you are Best Counsellor in Dhaka to help you on this profound and liberating journey, you are looking for a guide who can meet your deepest pain with both profound clarity and unwavering compassion. Mind to Heart has the Best Counsellor in Dhaka. Our top online and offline counsellors are experts in the deep, nuanced, and transformative work of healing guilt and shame. The best psychologist in Bangladesh at our clinic, a top counselling psychologist at Mind to Heart, will provide a safe, non-judgmental, and sacred sanctuary for you to put down the heavy weight of shame and to learn the courageous art of repair. Let the Best Counsellor in Dhaka at Mind to Heart help you untangle these powerful feelings and find your way back to the beautiful and unshakable truth of your own goodness.